


love and life and reason to be

by themonstrousregiment



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Gen, M/M, this is the scene that we don't like to talk about from spock's perspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-18
Updated: 2013-09-18
Packaged: 2017-12-27 00:05:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/971884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themonstrousregiment/pseuds/themonstrousregiment
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock felt all rationality leave him at the sight of his Captain, his Jim, his t’hy’la, slumped against the door. With barely a thought he was kneeling down, his eyes seeking Jim’s as his heart beat desperately against his side. He could not breathe. He could not think. His every sense was focused on the man beyond the glass, so cruelly out of his reach.</p>
            </blockquote>





	love and life and reason to be

Spock felt all rationality leave him at the sight of his Captain, his Jim, his _t’hy’la_ , slumped against the door. With barely a thought he was kneeling down, his eyes seeking Jim’s as his heart beat desperately against his side. He could not breathe. He could not think. His every sense was focused on the man beyond the glass, so cruelly out of his reach.

Jim spoke and Spock could feel his lips forming sounds, making words, responding to the inconsolable sorrow in his Captain’s voice, while his mind raced ahead, measuring the mathematics of radiation poisoning, calculating probabilities of survival and analysing every shaky inhale and exhale of breath of the fragile human beyond the glass. The conclusion was logical. The Captain had approximately two minutes before his fragile body would surrender. It could not be denied, yet Spock found his very being rebelling against the facts, furiously rejecting their reasoning, for it could not be true.

A world without Jim was implausible. Impossible. It could not even be contemplated. It would be a void, meaningless and barren. There would be no stars, no light, no air, for how could such things exist without Jim’s laughter, without his victorious smile or his bright eyes? It could not happen, _it could not_.

But it was, and as Jim pressed his hand forward, Spock reached for it without thinking. Where he should have felt the slightly cool skin of his Captain, he felt only the chilling cold of the barrier between them. His mind shuddered, desperately reaching across the delicate bond which linked them, straining against the distance, instinctively seeking to soothe the fear of his _ashayam_ and hold him close. 

And then suddenly there was nothing to reach for. He felt the bond snap, the aching loneliness hitting him with all the force of a supernova, and then the light within that brilliant blue gaze dimmed and died, and with it went Spock’s love and life and reason to be.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this. This scene still makes me cry whenever I think about it, so I thought I'd write away some of the sadness...I'm not sure it worked to be honest.


End file.
